Kind Bell Chronicles

I found a journal on one of the elf soldiers bodies. If it had any identifying information I would try to return it to their owner, but oh well. I will carry on their legacy by using this book. I am currently hiding in a cave from a Rok. It killed sixteen plus four elves and almost almost a Bigby. We have been sneaking around the plains trying to avoid this thing for multiple weeks and now I'm here alone. And it's exciting.

Well, they killed the rok. I guess they were bored. Either way, we're at an inn and they're pouring me a glass of "malk" which I hope tastes like milk because I am parched. Erdana has been flirting with Bigby, wonder where that will go.

(in scribbled handwriting) The malk was a lie!

As per usual, we didn't get to relax long before getting tied up in more celestial shenanigans. So Dounix told Bigby (that utter moron) to kill the second in command of the entire nation and he actually did it. But then it turned out it wasn't her but Dea'Leon and now we have multiple problems to deal with. Detective hat is on, journal, and I am angry!

We made it to Nalar. We're on our way to Yvanphine to talk to a cleric of Nulare. Right now though, I'm more interested in a general goods store I found. I can see milk inside. I wanted to wait outside until it opened, but Althea promised we could get some in the morning. Guess I should just try to rest a little, it's pretty late and we've been traveling all day.

I am writing this on horseback. I didn't get any milk, line was too long. But I will weep internally because I am a strong cat.

We got to Yvanphine, met the cleric, and... well, he's my dad. Fourteen years, thousands of miles, dozens of fights, multiple dieties, and almost an entire continent later, I've met my dad. We talked a lot, but I'm only going to write about the good because that's all I want to remember if I can help it. He missed me, he regretted what happened, and is proud of what I've done. He also has a cow, an all-you-can-milk buffet! I hope he didn't see me throwing up behind a bush so I could drink more. Tomorrow we'll commune with Nulare together.

We managed to commune with Nulare before the trial. Bigby better appreciate how much went into saving him. On another note, I managed to commune with Hykari and it seems we must meet up in Haggard in eighteen suns time to make our move on the Tabaxi colony. There is so much at stake here, it's all I've been able to think about the past few days. In the meantime, we're going to some cave, something about artifacts and a cave and people never coming out, so we're probably going in. I really don't like caves.

We found a really nice inn that doesn't serve alcohol! I was going to ask if they had milk but I guess I was so tired I passed out before getting to the room. Must have also had a bad dream last night because when I woke up my fur was on end and I had a head ache.

We met our travel companions today. Some guy with a really big metal friend, and an orc named Gorga that things they can play a wind instrument better than me. The audacity! We're starting our first cave outing soon. I hope it goes well.

That... did not go well... at all. Tarrowin, Althea, and Bigby all went down and we had to flee. The metal man did some work, though his friend is not so much. The orc was incredibly annoying. They were also incredibly stupid. If I didn't know any better, I'd take that as a challenge.

Today's trip went just as poor as the last. We got a few rooms in before finding trouble, three earth and two flesh golems. I made quick work of an earth golem, but got knocked out by one of the flesh ones. I got woken up after the fight and started using few to explore for us. I guess they're not good at finding traps because I tripped one after they told me the room was clear. There's something strange about seeing your leg torn in half up to the knee. When you look at it, it looks like your own, but it doesn't feel like your own. I was lucky enough to pass out before making any proper connection. I only made the association when I was being healed. It was very painful. On the bright side, the healing area was attached to the bath houses, so I got to go relax there right after! I made some friends there too! They were all really nice and we talked for a long time. Maybe I can go visit them again after the next trip?
(several pages seem to have been ripped out here, through magical means)

It looks like some pages are missing so I'm guessing a certain devil of trickery doesn't want the world knowing what we found in the caves. I'm just going to fill in some blanks on scratch paper and stick it in here for the future. I'm traveling through Audnir right now, but that's not important. We found "the artifact" in the cave after another run in with Dea'Leon, which was apparently a map that will guide us to "the weapon" we've been trying to find for the past year. We have left it in good hands, away from the grubby paws of DL, so that we can focus on other objectives. The metal man's master was an unfortunate casualty of this objective, and Gorga was teleported away or something right as they died so they could be saved, but found their way back to us and will be traveling with us a while. And another thing, Tarrowin decided to try to curse me with a magical artifact called "the club of Blibdopoop" which has fun properties such as the ability to summon a couple Kuo-Toa to fight for you, and you are physically incabable of putting the staff away or leaving it somewhere as it will teleport itself back to your hand. So yeah, he tried to give it to me, while already cursed himself, and now we're both stuck to the club. Our next adventure is getting this thing off us.

Althea killed a kid then went on a rant about how child labor is bad. I think the irony is obvious here.

Tarrowin and I won our freedom in an epic display of cunning and valor! And by that I mean we placed first in the pit. Afterwards we met Blibdopoop herself (who was actually just an elf). We were also awarded a magical pearl that lets me cast more spells without running out of energy. I want to go into more detail but I'm on horseback and it looks like we're coming up on a traveling potion seller. These types of people are always fun.

The potion guy was a mistake. I drank one of his brews and now I'm unable to see fabric. Which means I can't see clothes. Which means everyone is naked from my point of view. It's so hard to keep a straight face. In other news, we got to Nellar yesterday. It's an interesting place. People can talk to you through your feet. It was busy as well. We went to a temple and I got some "theraby" from a nun. It's supposed to make people happier, I didn't feel any sadder so I guess it worked? Met some little enchanting prodigy girl, spent some time chasing a prophecy that sounded more like a riddle, and briefly talked to a self-proclaimed "fortune reader". At night we stayed at a magical inn. Gorga made me sleep on the floor and I had my first case of nocturnal evocations. Today we're setting sail to fight some deep-sea menace.

Well the "deep sea menace" was just Dea'Leon doing some experiments with the doctor diety. We gave him a stern talking to and he said he would stop so... problem solved? But new problem, apparently he can kill us now (was he not able to before?) which he kindly demonstrated by killing Erdos (he'll be ok though). Also another revelation, Gorga is a minor diety too (and is currently reviving Erdos). So yeah, eventful day.

Well, figuratively speaking, one chapter has finished, and another begun. We resolved the lake monsters issue, Eleanora has promised Spyndral's aid in the march on Opaldum, Gorga has returned to the other everlasts, Erdos has returned to Haggard, and my see-through fabric problem has been resolved. Meanwhile, we have taken up a murder mystery from a knight Arthur. Time to put on my detective hat!

We fought a dragon! I don't remember much of it though. Anyway, we finally got some money and I bought some stuff. We're going to see Hykari soon. I don't know if I'm ready.

Well, we did it. We confronted the Tabaxi and, just like Hykari said, it was about to collapse. But, unlike Hykari said, it took a lot longer than expected. Turns out Dea'Leon has his hands in many macaroni bowls. The priestess (former) was working with him and he turned the tree into one of his shrines. We exposed her though, and now the tabaxi are aligned with us! Also, I have become a high priest, and consequently one of the leaders of Finsweye, so that's interesting.

Well we went to Arthur's hometown and man it was an adventure. Some of the highlights were; same paladins had a hit out on Tarrowin courtesy of Scalia (I ate part of one of the paladins, tasted like pork), Althea taught me about a new royal ceremony, and I smelled this magical grass with a wolf girl that, when you burn it, it makes you see lots of colors. Also, Hykari left me a letter that made me blush and packed some tea leaves for me!
P.S. we just found Morgan :3

The investigation is winding down to a close. Turns out it was vampires all along! After determining there wasn't enough blood on the scarf to kill someone, and that the knife had runes on it, not blood, we gathered all the likely suspects in a room together and interogated them all until someone confessed. Turns out Mrs. Habbot was actually Arthur's friend, Emily, as a vampire pretending to be Mrs. Habbot. We killed her and raided the Habbot house. The trial to let Arthur off is Tomorrow. I sure hope nothing wacky or uncharacteristic happens!

We were all tricked into drawing from the deck of many things. When I saw my card, it was a picture of a star, but then the star slowly became real and I was flying through space. I flew for a while, and I feel like I saw both edges of the universe. It was beautiful, not a sight I can put into words, but there was... so much, so many wonderous things, and then everything got very bright, and suddenly I was back in the court room. The card I was holding burned right out of my fingers as I sat there comprehending the scale of all that I had seen. Additionally, since I have last written, we went on a journey to save Bigby's soul that took us back to his hometown and his father. His soul was ripped from his body and had been placed in an old artifact of his own creation. I suppose the things he saw and emotions he felt were not as grand as my visions, as shortly after rescuing him, he decided he had seen enough, and he retired to Vale. I wish him the best, he has been a faithful ally to us.

I am writing this on horseback. I believe we are on our way to Audnir, if not now then soon. The tabaxi seem to be settling well into their new homes. Some seem stuck in their ways building with a lean-to structure, while others are inventing new ways to build. The address I gave to the people of Finsweye went well I believe. Most people seem to be more willing to coexist than I anticipated, which bodes well for our future, except for a notable few individuals who I hope will come around. Speaking of the future, it so happens that Hykari is now expecting. I am nervous at how I will perform raising a child, as I don't have many role models in fathering a baby, but I'm sure we'll manage.

We are soon to arrive in Audnir. I dread returning here but the orc's combat abilities in the coming war would do a great deal to swinging the odds in our favor. Plus, as the residing leader of one of the 5 great nations, I can address the obvious ethical issues in their society post-war. Still though, seeing the conditions I once considered "normal" will be a bit unsettling. Perhaps more unsettling, however, was a recent encounter we had outside Vyrstok. The dwarves, who we believe have aligned themselves with Dea'Leon, ambushed us with the aid of who I suspect is the messenger dragon of Dea'Leon, an ancient red dragon. This is someone to look out for in the future.

We have arrived in Audnir. It is hot, dry, sandy, and I despise everything about it.

We have been staying in the first town for a while now. I am doing my best to remain cordial in order to not start another war during such a precarious time. An incident with a slave has left me considering my own morality and how I should exert influence. A slave girl, clearly starving, was refusing a sweet roll I was offering. The idea briefly crossed my mind to force her, somehow, and while I did not act on it, I wondered why. The reason I came up with was because, while I would be providing sustenance and therefor wellbeing, it would be in exchange of all her freedom. But given a situation where a person lacks any freedom or wellbeing, surely wellbeing is more important? Or perhaps I should seek to maximize equality, which would have allowed her the same wellbeing and freedom as her keepers? I must figure out an answer to this before returning to lead Finsweye.

I've tried to be civil but I'm over it. These less-than-animals are a plague on this earth and should be treated as such. I would call them godless, but they surprisingly have an alignment to something beyond their own pride, Geoff. Ironic though, really, that a race that worships the god of combat won't give these people, their slaves, a fighting chance. But it's fine, I'll do it on his behalf, he should be greatful, really.

I am still a bit shocked at how quickly Althea followed in Morgan's footsteps in sacrificing a slave. I suppose it goes to show how readily people will abandon their ideals under pressure. Now what remains to be seen is how she copes with this decision. Will she rewrite her morals according to this decision, deny outright that it happened, try to convince us it was a mistake, or own up to her actions being in opposition with her moral compass? It shall be an interesting test of her true character, and just as interesting to see when others follow suit. In other news, there is allegedly a human settlement west of here. I should visit it once tasks in this land are done.
P.S. An interesting thing happened last night. Tarrowin's friend took him to the shadows for the night to protect him from the nightmares. For a brief moment while doing so, it appeared as though they were cuddling. Now I always figured they had a strong relationship, but it appears as if Althea is projecting her mistrust in her own actions as mistrust in the actions of those closest to her. I'll be sure to watch how her trust changes now.

Found some insurgents out yesterday while out hunting. Told them about the orc's plans to march on Opaldum in the near future, and that it would be the best time to strike. Hopefully this kicks off some alarms somewhere. Apparently I was also folowed while out. It seems the group doesn't trust me, but I'm not sure why. I wonder what I'll have to do to gain their trust in full.

We went to meet with another orc general recently. They (correctly) thought Tarrowin was a Temple of Shadows member. When we got there, after Tarrowin was taken inside, we were ambushed by the temple of light, who occupied us while they finished interrogating Tarrowin. Another interesting development is that Corrin is apparently the key to Zella getting most of her powers back, which makes her a valuable individual.

The anti-wish: "Tonight, I have been wronged. Tarrowin, Erdona, Althea, and the party but Kind Bell; I wish upon you great pain and suffering and may the last thing you think of before you leave this world be me." -Morgan

Where to begin with this one. It has been many days since I wrote last on account of being in prison. I see though that a certain eldritch has been happily adding notes to one of my most private items. How nice of him to give me a way to update myself on what I've missed. Judging by his earlier entries, the slave girl did enter the contest and did not survive. I'll say a prayer for her before I go to sleep, hopefully she at least got where she was going. It also appears Dea'Leon is under the impression that the group doesn't trust me, which is amusing because I know that that's plain wrong. They care about me and just worry from time to time, and have every right to worry. I'm clearly not the sharpest nail on the paw. They were also right to question his intention when he went "hunting" in the desert. Like really, who does that, there's nothing out there! Anyway, some interesting info from my time in the prison: Opaldum is not some ancient, ruined city as everyone has told me, and is actually a bustling city full of moon elves and other races, and either them or the high elves are lying about the origin of the portal. My evil counterpart is a blood orange Tabaxi named "Kinde Belle" who claims to be a "Rynvald Blood" sorceress. Morgan tried to lay a curse on the other members of the party that turned out to be a blessing for me, which saved my life. Joseph, the meat butcher, was in that prison, and died ensuring myself and many other prisoners had a chance at freedom, so we'll give him a proper funeral once we get the chance. And lastly, a cat named Wikner helped me escape, and he's over 1F4 years old so he'll probably have a lot of useful information. Well, I'd like to write more, but I'm very tired from having only slept on a prison cell floor for the past many days, and hurt all over from many burn and bludgeoning injuries. Maybe I'll go into more detail about certain things later, but for now I desperately need rest, and I'm really looking forward to a nice foot of a bed, and some pleasant dreams tonight.

Getting back to relative normalicy. The new minotaur in our group won a strength contest for us and set a new record in the process. I out-did Dea'Leon's surfing stunt. Mushroom man is missing. Althea and Tarrowin are keeping a close eye on their shadow friend. And Morgan is elliciting my help to not go insane while trying to smooth talk a very horny book while in the nude. Relative normalicy. It seems our next plan of action is to attempt to lure out and capture the fake me. I don't think it will be too hard, she has yet to impress me with her abilities. Another order of business is to fix all my wounds. I must be back to the old me before I go back to Finsweye. If I went back like this, the citizens would stop respecting me and Hykari would start to worry. For those reasons, I must figure out a way back to old me in the near future.

After over a full day of trying to block out the sights and sounds of Morgan seducing a book, we are done and I returned the book. Really excited about that because it seems like everyone is doing more exciting things (Tarrowin blew up the side of a mountain with some dragon's breath) and I'm also done reading my book, the ancient axiologic ethical writings of the high elf Heiris Sedrenn, also known as the "father of ethics". I'll need to get some new books once we arrive in Ok'Fiend.

Holding my journal with my mage hand while trying to write is a lot more difficult than just using my left hand. Unfortunately this is how it's going to be for a while since another accident has left me without an arm. During the beast battle today, Alex and I were discussing the finer points of mycology. While doing so, he must've felt peckish because he decided to eat a mushroom that exists out of time. In doing so, he and I were ripped out of time, except my left arm was left in time, and no longer attached to me. We are also waiting until we leave Audnir to address this and my other issues for financial reasons. So I need to get used to this.

The party made the executive decision to fund my reconstructive procedura magika (and by "the party" I mean mo Althea). I am grateful, but now I am broke and guilt-ridden that the party (Althea) must keep paying out of pocket for my well-being. I began my hunt for exotic vines today with Tarrowin. We accidentally found a Lamia and that almost went very poorly except I was able to get myself and Tarrowin out (after smacking him around a bit and casting some choice spells).

It has been such a long night, I just want to sleep but that has become physically impossible (will explain later). We decided to have some drinks before going to bed, Althea left early, Morgan and I decided to talk to Tarrowin about making-up with Althea over the lamia incident, and Redselle and Alex were drinking elsewhere. Eventually Morgan and I decided to confront Althea directly, much to Tarrowin's protest, during which Alex and Redselle found out some nefarious scheme by the bar owners. Long story short, the "owners" were lamia trying to lure tourists to their den. We gave chase, stopped them, brought the cave entrance down, Tarrowin fell to their spells twice, Morgan tried to turn me into a hamster twice, we got interrogated by the guards, and some random person gave Morgan a hamster. Once we get back to the bar we find the actual owners locked in the basement. I heat the locks to soften them while Redselle breaks them off, during which drunk Morgan throws a bottle of alcohol at one of the locks setting a quarter of the basement, Redselle, and one of the orcs ablaze (drunk Morgan is insufferable, prevent her from drinking anymore in the future). After all this I was very much hoping to go to bed, so much that I uttered the words "I wish I could go to sleep" and at that moment the effects of a malk Morgan forced me to drink came to be and the literal ability to sleep was ripped from my body. So, I am sedulously scribbling this spa-side where I can assertain some semblance of sleep and sanity. I am so sapped, someone slaughter me.

We went to the Cauldron Convention today, and Tarrowin and I made a wonderful discovery about Morgan's hamster. It turns out it is ethically permissible to kill the hamster because it was given to Morgan by one of Dea'Leon's goonies! The Bigby mimic, Bigbee, is allegedly "in love" with Morgan, so the convenient aliby of a "gift" is how he planted the spell-casting surveillance pet on her to watch and listen to us all.

Dear diary, I'm not really sure who I'm writing these for anymore. Future me? My kids? Historians? This book has no purpose other than being a written retrospective of my life, and yet the thought of loosing or stopping this book gives me anxiety. Maybe my sleep-deprived state is making me confused. For now I will keep updating you in hopes that this book one day serves a greater purpose. And on that note: last night we broke into a library to steal something and I almost got cooked by some orcs, but I jumped out the window just in time (from the second story) and a comedic chase ensued.

A lot has happened for other members of the group. Althea is able to make clocks in her eyes and turn spells back in time, Tarrowin is going to war with Corrin, Morgan is entering a new stage of her rebelious phase, and Redselle got to fight the strongest orc in Audnir. We're all evolving and getting stronger as individuals, it almost makes the fight that's ahead seem doable. Speaking of the group, we've garnered enough attention that people have a name for us now, the "Ever Hunters". Famous enough groups have a story that gets told to new generations, and if this book is supposed to serve as a partial retelling of that story, then it should have a name! I think I'll call this book...

"The Cat Chronicles, a Thousand Lives Across Rynvald"!

We decided to go hunting for our creature for the match. First we found the Phoenix Oasis, but decided that was probably out of our skill level, so we kept looking. Next we found a bronze dragon. We didn't want to fight it either,so we spent a while trying to negotiate a deal with it. I thought it looked cool, so I drew a picture! In the end, it agreed to show us the location of a purple wurm and then carry it to the city for us. In return, we speak fondly of it to the townsfolk. We're on our way to the wurm now, will update you later.

I got to ride the dragon and the wurm the dragon and I captured and Morgan caged did incredible during the pit fight, it killed everything! Also Morgan got Althea and I box seats and popcorn (Tarrowin and Redselle were busy dealing with a hag). Althea also payed off a guard so now I have the hotspring to myself! Today was great, most fun I've had in a while. I know my mood is going to come crashing down when my eyes fall out or a feral pit fiend gives me an undiscovered disease or some other exceedingly unlikely fate befalls me, but right now I'm happy.

Morgan and Althea took me into the desert to look for Tarrowin and Redselle, apparently they're in a bit of trouble. I thought we'd have trouble finding them, but Nulare made us a portal that led us right to them (this proves she's watching, also I know she did it because it's the exact same portal that teleported me across the continent about II years ago)! I just finished thanking her in prayer, but I wanted to update you because Althea is acting a bit off. She's more full of herself now, saying things like "I'm a God" in passing. Her and Morgan apparently had a long conversation so it must have been the mother of all pep talks. If this is the case, I should talk to Morgan.

Dear diary, today we killed an everlast, I guess. It didn't seem that strong (even though it nearly killed me in one cast) but I guess it was one of the minor ones. We did have some help from Morgan's lover and her pet hamster, which turned out to be a whole woman, by the way. They say they're part of some secret everlast-killing society, which was pretty convenient for this situation and hopefully wont become problematic later. Althea is also being cryptic again.

Bessie, the wurm we captured, tasted really good. Redselle got a bunch of her from a stall in town, and I stole some. Also, he gave me a cup that makes you blind during the day, so that's fun. Also I hate half my body weight in cream cheese.

Tarrowin carried out his first assassination in a while back at the library. The guards found out, but it's ok because they only saw glimpses of me, and if they do ever arrest me, it has been proven that mortal prisons cannot contain me. Not that I think it'll ever come to that, the wanted posters look like something from a fairy tale. In other news, we aren't able to participate in the next contest, so instead we bought both teams and started a soft drink company to make some money back. Meanwhile, we are on our way to Korin's lair to finally finish this argument. As much as I hate to admit, I think we're past the point of diplomacy. Who knows though.

We are about to challenge and hopefully end the ambitions of Korin. It's kind of a weird time to be updating you, but I need to distract myself from a book I just opened. The book appeared to simply be a detailing of how Korin's ritual works, but when I touched it, I heard voices, hundreds of them, filled with anguish and regret. It was a humbling reminder that, while almost all creatures are born of the same conceptive process, the choices we make in life means no two creatures will die equal. I have been lucky in recent time, but I must continue to analyze and think through future decisions, there is too much on the line now for me to make foolish decisions, as I am historically, unfortunately, known to do.

Well, we managed to defeat Corrin. It was a hard fought battle, so much so that our wizard perished, and Tarrowin momentarily did as well. Despite that, and with help from Zella herself, we did claim victory once more, and I believe Zella is now back to her former glory, having dealt the final killing blow, and we managed to save Tarrowin's soul through some tactful spirit handling on mine and Morgan's part. The experience has left him permanently scarred, however, but it's ok because the scar is a black eye (not the kind from when the drivers think you're slacking and decide to "put you in your place", his eyeball is actually black) and not only are we now heterochromatic buddies from my red eye I got from Yodrin, but it also looks really cool and I think Althea is into it. I believe once we get back to the city we need to determine the results of the event we missed, and also claim our profit from our new drink sales.

I think, hope, we're finally making measurable progress towards recruitment for the war. I know the task of obtaining blessings from all five leaders in Audnir through competition in a specialized tournament, then using these blessings to summon the leaders to a conference where we can get them to unanimously agree to going to war was a tall order in the first place, but this process has taken quite a long time, had many twists, and has made me very tired of sand. I have only eaves-dropped a little bit with the meeting (I am waiting outside the conference room since I probably can't be trusted to negotiate with orcs, and they wouldn't take me seriously anyway) but it sounds like the team is making good progress. In the meantime though, the girls I'm waiting outside with have given me really good advice on what I should do to maintain a healthy relationship, and even a bit of advice on raising a child (one of them is a nanny)! In other news, Althea is not a raging egotistical, and is actually, quite literally, an everlast. This is a lot to unpack and I haven't been able to get her alone to ask more questions about what this means or what the consequences of this are, but I don't know why it took her so long to tell me. I think we're going to the human lands in Audnir next, so maybe I'll find a chance in transit to ask her about it.

I have a dilemma, a conundrum even. We are soon to make the difficult trek across Audnir, from the orc lands in Ok'Fiend to the human lands in Gresha. This journey will be a long one, with little to no hot springs along the way. My situation is that since I lost the ability to sleep, I've been relying on the magical properties of hot springs to replenish my energy and my magical essence. Ideally I would accompany the party through the journey and keep myself energized and rational using Greater Restoration which would alleviate characteristics of sleep deprivation, but that doesn't restore my magical essence at all. This would mean that my ability to self-replenish is limited and my usefulness is substantially less since I'll have to ration essence throughout the whole walk. The other solution would be to return to Finsweye to replenish my magic in their hotsprings along the way, but this comes with the risks that I am not with my party during rests, and that I will permanently have reduced essence as the spell needed to go between the party and Finsweye is a more demanding one, and I can also only return to the party when they are around a large plant, which there are not many of those in a desert. I still have some time to find a solution, or at least compromise to this circumstance, since we are busy visiting temples of light and trying to sleuth out a sellout among the orc leaders.

We made it to one of the secret shadow bases. They used the same fake rock illusion that Laxen/Dea'Leon used, so original... actually, that may be an indication of something... nah I'm becoming paranoid, there's no way... unless... no no, couldn't be. If I start fixating on this then Dea'Leon wins. Anyway, we made it through the main room and one of the side rooms, which had a bunch of demons in it. Scary creatures, those are. The rest of the party is looking around the room trying to get ideas for lever combinations we can use to unlock more doors in the main room. I already looked through the bookshelf and didn't find anything interesting, so here I am. Not much to update you on, other than I've been questioning my morality again. I've been wondering to myself, am I the same person that left Audnir two years ago? I've died and returned so many times, and every time I do my spirit is slightly altered, and sometimes my physical body is permanently altered. Beyond that, I have both physically and mentally aged far past the age I'm supposed to be, and my abilities and motivations have taken drastic turns in their own way. What about me is still the same besides the orange fur that keeps me warm? These are mostly rhetorical questions, I don't think it matters much the answer, but I can't help but wonder.

We finished cleaning out the shadow base. I almost died again, but I played catch with the Forest Fox, which was fun! Guk'kaliv touched a cursed sword and got teleported somewhere, and I found some dumb puzzle box in a pile of bones I was not defiling, but Tarrowin gave me a cool cloak so the mission wasn't a complete bust! Everyone seems a little bit concerned, but I'm so dissociated from lack of sleep that I can't tell what's concerning and what's not anymore (which doesn't seem like too concerning of an issue), so I'm not exactly sure why they're nervous. Not much else to report on, I'm very tired so I'm not going to ramble on much, just going to look forward to the next hotspring where I can rest and rejuvinate.

I am being judged by some very powerful beings to see if I am worthy of a "Snow's Arrival miracle". They're taking a while to deliberate and it's making me anxious so I'm going to update you to calm myself. After leaving the shadow shack we went to Kuulvratz attempting to slueth out the traitor in the war council, and also ended up making a deal with a local merchant to sell our Sunbright I've been told. The trail then led us to a city I remember used to be called Vixviend Dev Valdil, now called Otrixen, which is a sanctuary in the desert where all races live together harmoniously! It's very beautiful, and the city seems to be doing really well. We all went to a library next where I guess we got hired by one of Gorga's lesser everlasts to find a book before they'll help us. The book is currently in the possession of a shady witch that seems to be employing children to work for her, which doesn't seem too bad yet since I've only seen them just talking to guests, but I'm sure there's more under the tarp, there always is. At least the prices here are not too expensive, the cost for the hot spring in this city is rediculous, 50 gold per day! And that's not even the worst of it, wait till I tell you what Morgan di...
Of course, he was good. He shook with nerves as he waited his turn, but I already knew, I spent my time fashioning my coat into a sling to carry him while I waited. "Good" is a hard thing to measure, some see good as unflinching obedience, others expect sainthood, I think good is simply doing what you can. It is unfair to judge a child as "bad", if we never try our best, we never learn what is best. Kind Bell, through trial and error, has grown into a good man, and for that the party is thankful. I took some time to transfer Dea'Leon's entries into Gorga's book- they told me if I pressed the pages flat against an empty journal page it would "photo copy", whatever that is. Even Dea'Leon mistook Kind Bell for "bad", perhaps we can outwit him after all.

I did not know Morgan held me in high regard. She normally holds her cards close so it is a relief to see that she still values me as a travel companion. I don't know where these insecurities of mine come from, perhaps I focus too much the errors and shortcomings of my past and not enough on my accomplishments. Maybe I'm setting too high a standard for myself considering the position I'm in and the blessings I feel need to be repayed. I think Morgan's ideas on the subjectivity of "good" is accurate though, one's actions can be considered "good" or "bad" depending on what system of morals is applied to it. Lucky enough for me, my actions and choices have been deemed "good" by council judging me, and I once again have the ability to sleep and regain my energy in a more natural (not to mention cheaper) manner. I'll continue to get everything I have to the cause in hopes that one day I can repay the universe for everything I have been given. We found the book we were looking for in the festival after sneaking around for a while and keeping a group of enthusiastic ice skaters at bay. It turned out the book was just some creative writing by Gorga that they didn't want people to read. Against every curious urge in me, I decided to keep their secret and return the book unopened. And on the topic of secrets, I don't think I'll follow up on what I was going to say about Morgan, especially after the kind words she left and after carrying me for a while in the festival. That all said, if you consider one day as all the things that have happened since you slept last, it has been a very long day, and I think I deserve some shuteye.

We managed to get rid of the eldritch demon that put some sort of enchantment on Du'Raak. We didn't have the everlast hunters with us this time, but we managed to defeat him still. We're all a little worse for wear, I am a mess. Not going to get into the details, and not going to name any names, but someone decided to guide the dragon they summoned, and that I was actively riding, into the demon right before he reset and created an explosion large enough to level a small town. I was doing pretty well in the fight up until that point, would have survived it even without going down, but, annoyingly, some things are just not meant to be. So I will be nursing some wounds until I have the energy to fix them myself, which I believe I am at least able to do now instead of spending outragous amounts at a church. I believe our next destination is the human settlements of Gresha. I look forward to not being looked at as a piece of property or bargaining chip for the first time in months.

We made it back to Otrixen. After I was mostly healed, I decided my injuries weren't too bad. I'm missing a finger but I've gotten by with less so I think I'll just roll with it, plus I have this sick scar now that has all the sailors and soldiers 'mirin. I wasn't even the worst off after the fight, Morgan got cursed and it started some really weird drama. Unfortunately though, we had to leave the lovely oasis. In fact, we're about to leave for the last leg of our journey finally find the weapon. Along the way I decided to hope into Finsweye for the first time in a while to advise Hykari about Morigan, and also spend a bit of time with her (she's starting to have a baby bump!). Tomorrow we should be arriving at North Island, my fur has been standing up more and more the closer we get. I really hope we don't have a run-in with Dea'Leon, but I know better than to get my hopes up at this point.

We did it. We made a very large step towards finally defeating the portal fiends and the forces that created it. As expected, Dea'Leon met us at the gate of Ultimatum. Less expected, however, was a visit from Alt'thea and Kinde Belle. The fight was... rough. All of us at full strength, against two assassin's and Dea'Leon at partial power, and we only barely held them off. It was a miracle none of us went down, even though we had the help of a new friend! A plasmoid named Glissnor! His flesh is made of a gooie or snotty sort of substance, and you can see through him. He seems pretty genuine though, so I trust him (not that I have a great track record of trusting people). In the end, however, Althea managed to get the killing blow on Alt'Thea, and I got the killing blow on Kinde Belle, and once more Dea'Leon fled like the true coward he is. So poetic. After several puzzles in the corridors of Ultimatum, we made it to the metaphorical "key slot". Redselle became imbued with a power capable of killing an everlast, and our longtime friend Kaste has been reset. His sacrifice will not be forgotten, and we will do our best to re-inform him of the person he once was, which includes ensuring his grape orchard is well tended to. We are on our way to Gresha now I believe, to speak to the humans about the coming war, even though we still have to decide what to do about the traitor within the orc council, and the agreements we made under false pretences. In any case, the fruits of our efforts are coming along well, and we may have even come to a point where we have surpassed the devil of trickery himself in power and intellect. Wikner has saddly passed away, now that the king of Oppaldum is dead, we will give him a proper funeral once given the chance. I also have special plans for the remains of Kinde Belle if I can one day fix her skin so it's not effectively made of stone. More info on that later.

After much debate, we have decided to make our way to the Northern Humans of Gresha. We still have a month and a half until the war council in Haggard, and between now and then we plan to try to rally support from the Northern Humans, as well as stop by Finsweye where Bigbee and a "Kelsey" are being kept under Hykari's protection since they have recently come under alleged threat. Morgan did not like the party's decision to prioritize the humans over Finsweye, and caused another big fuss over not getting her way (getting drunk before 10 in the morning, drawing tattoos on strangers, and claiming we were kidnapping her when we tried to take her out of the bar) which led to an awkward encounter with the town guards, but we have escaped to the Temple of Light where we will continue our pilgrimage to Gresha. I will admit, Finsweye being under threat makes me a little uneasy, but I have full faith in the protective barrier currently established, the leadership prowess and strength of Hykari, and the protection of Nulare.

i found a jornal! >:D

Huh, wonder how that message got in here, and who wrote it... In any case, we got into a small kerfuffle on the road to Greshna, a bunch of snakes with their snakes out. They put up a good fight but we handled them. We also met a traveling human, Low Calorie (now Low Caloria) who offered to take us back to Greshna and give us a room. The one caveat is that we have to attend one of her parties. Glissnor also absorbed some weird powder that seemed to make him very... energetic? In any case, I am terrified for this party, I am probably going to get dragged into some backroom where unsavory things occur. I'm going to have to stick real close to Althea throughout this so hopefully I'll be somewhat safe. Maybe they'll have a lot of milk at least?

It has been an interesting night. I am violently bored right now. So, earlier, all of my friends/party (that is, Althea, Tarrowin, Morgan, Redselle, and Glisnore) were thrown into some weird illusory battle against each other, where we could cast any of our spells and attack each other without any real, physical repurcussions. I um, may have said some things I shouldn't have. I feel a kind of bad, I want to apologize to Morgan, Redselle, and Glisnore at some point. However, in the end Althea and I got to fight, one on one! It was really fun, I got to see how strong she was first-hand! After the fight was the party, though. I got lured to a room with the promise of chocolate milk (which was really good, by the way). There was a bunch of kids in the room with me, along with really flamable walls and flooring. I might have gotten really bored and started burning the pads on the walls and floors, which the other children really enjoyed. I may have also hosted druidic rituals with the other children where we made a bonfire of burning floor panels, jumped in circles, and started chanting ancient verses from the Malleus Maleficarum and brandishing sticks which we pretended were spears. Well eventually all the kids got picked up by their parents. Except me. I got violently bored after a few hours and tried to escape. Which I was succesfull in. Except I escaped into an orgy. Thinking I was just in a brothel hotel, I figured the rest of the group was in another hotel, so I left. I think I checked like 8 different inns (a few may have just been homeless shelters) before I passed out outside the brothel-party-inn. Well yeah the party eventually left the brothel-party-inn and found me passed out on the sidewalk. Althea brought me chocolate milk though! But yeah I'm very tired, I think I'm going to sleep in someone's pocket, then apologize to people once I have a clear head.

The party has informed me I nearly died again. This claim is supported by very compelling evidence such as sizeable burn marks on the ground where I pulled a book, the fact I went unconscious immediately after pulling the book, and further by me waking up from being unconscious missing an arm. To give some context, we need to speak to the leader of Gresha, and we can't do that without a noble sponsoring us so-to-speak. In reality, the leader's schedule is just very busy so an equally compelling reason is needed for us to be able to meet in a timely fashion. One of the nobles is trying to find her mother's robes, so we went out to retrieve it for her at a local university library, which of course was booby trapped with a puzzle so frat kids couldn't get into it. I believe the party found the robes, I'm just writing this outside while they search after regrowing my arm. And speaking of mothers; Althea, Tarrowin, and I found the original prophecy requested by a certain giver-of-birth to me who shall not be named. It seems the prophecy includes all of my life in pretty striking detail up until the events of the Tabaxi Karsts. The ending to that was also left ambiguous, I am told this is because prophecies usually end right before whatever is considered the "defining moment" of an individual's life. Whether they end at this point because the outcome is too complex to tell, or simply to leave some sense of mystery for the individual in question, I cannot say. I suppose the takeaway from this, is that what occurred that day is to be my lasting legacy, which is both a satisfying but also depressing perspective. I am happy I can confidently say my defining moment was resolved in a most ideal way, however the implication that I will have no larger-lasting impact on this world means I am past my prime, and it is all downhill from here. Am I doomed to never be able to accomplish anything of real value, or does the prophecy simply end before my *first* major defining moment? I will have to think about this in the days ahead to find a resolution to this question. Aside from that news, I also learned a deal was made with Trishiv involving Thalia somehow giving her body to Trishiv so that she may explore the land after Thalia dies. I don't know what the ramifications are for Thalia not doing this, but I don't think Trishiv was on her mind when she sacrificed herself for Veile. Maybe we can find a solution to that issue in the future as well.

Behold the Sage's words
Spoken on Time and with great pause
They are juice from the orchards
Like the clam, they do not speak for applause
Used like flame, they can change a life
The third words prevent strife

What does it mean what does it mean what does it mean what does it mean! We've been ruminating over this riddle for close to an hour now, and none of us have a clue. Althea and I are almost certain there is a dragon behind this door and we do not want to fight it. We have been told that solving this riddle has never been accomplished and the last line seems to imply that solving this would prevent a fight, which I really want to do. We finally got a meeting with Aynala (her house is really cool, by the way, it takes the form of whatever you consider "home" in a near-perfect illusion) and she agreed to at least not help Dea'Leon if we can get her into this underground ruin and deal with the "gold beast" somehow. Morgan and I are both getting extremely anxious, however, because she had a vision of trees burning in Finsweye. She described oak trees, which I know aren't the Trees of Life, but I'm still worried because this may mean the magic barrier has failed. I trust that, if these visions are true, Hykari and the remainder of the council are addressing it, but I wish I could be helping. We should be leaving very soon after this task is completed, at least, and I can get all of us over there within a day, so hopefully things don't get too out of control and everyone is safe.

Well, to answer the pressing question in the last entry, it was a recipe. That was it. I made soup, and fed it to an an androsphinx. It liked it at least! Our deal with Aynala is settled, although she seems to be doing something ethically questionable with some shiny new artifact she found. We didn't have time to worry about that too much, however, since we needed to return to Finsweye. Which we did, and while the woods aren't on fire as far as we can see, there is some troubling news. It seems Parren has gone rogue, and attacked Garren. It is safe to say Parren is somehow involved with Dea'Leon, since the way in which he attacked Garren is with the same weird skin-hardening potion that Kinda Belle used while fighting me. Hykari has, understandably, implemented a curfew throughout Finsweye for the people's safety. We just got here earlier today so there isn't much to say, but I'll probably have more information later. We did some experiments (which may have involved freeing Kinda Belle's soul) in order to revive Garren. It was quite difficult to break Kinda Belle's corpse, but we figured it out eventually.

Garren is resting up after dying and being revived (and he'll need the rest, it is not an easy ordeal). Hykari brought to our attention several great oak trees across Finsweye, 6 to be precise, that we believe are worth investigating considering Parren's treachery and Morgan's dream. We decided the first one we would look at would be the one near the College of Mandalar. Several items of note from our short time here so far: there were people around this tree at night time around two days ago, there is a small treehouse hidden in this giant oak, Ralph is apparently acquianted with Glissnor and tried to convince him to leave us and leave Finsweye (though Glissnor refused), a professor went missing a night ago and seems to have a secret passage in his classroom that we haven't opened quite yet, and my perception from professors at the college varies quite a bit. There are a lot of leads to follow here, no doubt we'll be in this town for at least another few days while sorting through them before we head over to the next great oak and continue the search for Parren.

We have completed our investigation at the College of Mandalar. After a member of rogue club conveniently stole a very trackable item of Tarrowin's, we were able to gather more information about the treehouse and its purpose. Turns out, it's not some nefarious half-hazard base of operations for DL and goons, but instead it's the primary meeting location for the club. One of the hints we got was a piece of parchment with several Dwarvish letters, some of them circled. One of the walls inside the treehouse was covered with buttons that had the same Dwarvish letters inscribed on them. Tarrowin and I played around with the buttons a lot (mostly me) and almost got it through trial and error alone, but they added a little trick to the buttons that stumped us for a bit. Stumped until Glissnor just stuck his hand through the wall and discovered it was an illusion, however. We found some of the upper-class rogues in the secret room, they gave us the information we needed, and then we were on our way. Once we had the name of the club, which I'm not going to put in writing here to protect their anonymity, we activated the magic elephant and began following it. It seems to be heading for Feanor, towards the location of another great oak tree, so I suppose another investigation is about to be underway. I wonder what natural and cultural wonders we will discover?

The elephant led us to another tree, just as expected. At this tree we found a secret entrance leading a lab where the professor and two of Morgan's former students were imprisoned. We suspect this lab belongs to Morigan. While here, we also ran into Rulph again, along with two of my Dru, Goother and Vanessia, under the control of some accursed rings. I think to everyone's surprise, Glissnor struck first, which led to quite a fight. Luckily we were able to resolve the fight after freeing both of the Dru, defeating the strange demons that were spawned, and sparing Ralph. I sent Goother and Vanessia back to Hykari to tell her and Garren everything they know while we trek further into this musty dungeon to find the wicked witch of the west. I'm almost out of energy and everyone's a bit tired, here's hoping we don't become lab rats.

I messed up. I now longer own items. Everything I had has been cleansed by fire, including myself. If not for the fact I gave Althea my dismembered arm (which I kept for this exact purpose), I would probably still be dead. To summarize what happened; we made it to the bowels of Morigan's hideout and found only a phylactery of hers. Morgan negotiated with her for a while, but eventually made a sarcastic comment which angered the phylactery, prompting it to pull a lever and set off a whole chain reaction which culminated in a toxic gas beginning to spread through southern Finsweye. In an effort to stop it, Althea and I decided to light it on fire. Once ignited, it exploded with the heat of a lot of suns. Althea misty-stepped into a nearby pool, but when I tried to do the same, my dumb boots put me right in the line of fire. I remember a brief moment of unbearable heat unlike anything I've ever felt before, and then darkness. I think disappointed is actually closer to what a lot of people feel. I have already had a conversation with Nulare and Althea, and intend to have one with Hykari as well to ask for forgiveness. I think this may be the last of my second chances, with the reader of this book (hi Gorga) as my witness, I hereby pledge to be better, take less risks, trust and rely on my friends more, and take my own mortality more seriously. I will be a father soon, and I must be there to raise and teach any children I have, for their sake and Hykari's.

We are back in Haggard, after almost two months of journey around the continent. I had a short conversation with Hykari. She has forgiven me for my mistakes after I did my best to show that I am attempting to change. As part of her forgiveness, I had to make her two promises. I will not say what those two promises are, even in this book, as I believe that the details of our conversation should stay private. In other news, I learned that we will be having twins! I am very excited and also very nervous. I do not have any experience with this and I do not know what young children need. Luckily, Hykari is much more responsible and intelligent than I, so if worst comes to worst I will follow her lead. After that conversation we went to the safe hosue so Morgan could talk to Arthur and Kelsey. Arthur seemed to take the news of his immortality well, although I believe he was putting on a face. Kelsey seemed to miss Morgan, and looks forward to seeing her again after our march. She also talked about how her and Hykari have had many good conversations, which I am happy to know that they are getting along. After that, we received summons from the war council, so we returned to Haggard and will likely start planning for the final push very soon. Everything we've worked for the past few years is culminating in this. And if we did everything right, we can finally start to mend the world.

It has been a mostly uneventful couple days since returning home. We are working to organize the war council, but in the meantime we have made some discoveries and tied up some loose ends. I cannot speak to what others have done with their free time recently, but so far I have spent most of my time meditating and reflecting on dispositions and what my role within the group should be. I also made the discovery that no one has been effectively carring for Toofle and he has inflated to three times what he should be off of bread and baked goods. Considering that, I will probably halt meditation for a bit in favor of ending his sedintary lifestyle. If all goes well, I will be bringing him with me when we march. The last event of importance was the ceremonial execution of Dukar through combat with Dur'Rok. It was quite the one-sided fight; it is very clear that Dukar had very little in the way of swordsmanship training in his past. Dur'Rok also wanted to include Dukar's slaves in the ritual, but we convinced him to wait until they have their own, independent investigations before we condemn them to the same fate. The next entry will probably be in a few days. I hope, for all of our sakes, that it is similarly uneventful as the tension and anxiety in the air thickens.

We finally hosted the war council. The nations present included the High Elves, the Orcs, the Humans, the Wood Elves, the Dragonborn, and the Goblins. I will not be including the details of the meeting in this journal, as I cannot ensure that this book is not being read by anyone who would use the information for harm. Even during the meeting itself the defunct "leader" of the Dragon Born managed to sneak past some of the most powerful people on the continent, and was promptly thrown out once discovered. What I will say is that we as a party have a lot of work to do before the war itself. I will go into more detail about what these tasks are once dust has settled, but there are fears and concerns among members of the war council which we wish to assuage. We have also learned that Scalia has recently been either imprisoned or reset, throwing off the balance of the universe itself. Roof was able to pass this information along to us before his passing, and we buried him in the local cemetary out of respect. I think I will be keeping the next few entries brief for the sake of confidentiality. It would not be the first time this book has fallen into the wrong hands.

HELLO PAPER. MY NAME IS WARDEN TODD. I LOOK AFTER VALDIRR PRISON AND CRUSH ALL REBELOUS REBELLOUS ANGRY PRISONERS. THEY CAN'T BE FREE. THEY KILL. THIS JOURNAL BELONGED TO SOME DUMB KITTY CAT THAT TRIED TO TAKE ON MY WATCH. HE LOST. I BEAT HIM HARD. I WANTED HIS TAIL, BUT ADVISOR CALEM GREMROOT TOLD ME THAT'D BE BAD FOR THE PRISONERS "MORELE". WHATEVER THAT IS. ANYWAYS, THEY LET ME SEARCH HIM. I FOUND THIS PAPER. ALL THE PREVIOUS PAPER HAD WRITING ON IT THAT WAS TOO GENTLE. NOT MY WAY THIS PAPER WILL BE BETTER TREATED IN TODD'S OFFICE. ALSO, I CAN PRACTICE MY DRAWINGS NOW.

Not even a day after one of the most strategically important councils in this age and this book falls into the hands of a mindless brute who would no sooner sell his soul and first born to the first eldritch diety with an even half-tempting yet entirely fabricated offer than steal and violate the integrity of one of my few remaining sources of comfort with text so horridly brainless he'd starve a mind flayer. I should count myself lucky that he was too mentally destitute to understand the significance of what he almost had, if not for my decision to omit important details until after events have played out. In keeping with this attitude, I will not be talking much about recent events, including how a man so devoid of thought I couldn't even cast Animal Friendship on him over an intelligence requirement got their hands on this journal, but what I will say is that it has been made very apparent to me that I will need to do some serious soul searching and skill training if I am to have any chance of surviving the coming war.

I just need to accept that I am at a low point right now. This is not me, this is not who I am. I am optimistic, I am cheerful, I am empathetic, I am appreciated, and I am going to reread this sentence as many times as it takes to get out of this state of mind. While I'm at it, I should start figuring out an apology to the rest of the group at my behavior. I snapped at everyone and ran away. I'm sure many of them are worried about me, I just hope that they understand where I'm coming from. I think the immense pressure is just getting to me; so many things on the horizon, challenges that I don't know if I'm prepared for, and can hardly trust myself to overcome now that I've made a habit of questioning every decision I make. Perhaps this is a bad habit; it is oft in combat that a split second decides the victor, and I will not always have a half second to second guess. However, instincts seem to have led me astray more often than can be relied upon. I am fight, not flight, and for someone in my position the wise choice is usually flight, or rather non-direct confrontation. In any case, I can not fault myself for the mood I find myself in. The sooner I accept that I am simply angry, afraid, anxious, or annoyed, the sooner I can calm myself down and figure out what I can do in the future to prevent another outburst like this. I read something recently about how the remains of some plants and animals change over time, and the analogy feels appropriate. Under ordinary pressure these relics become nothing but coal; practical, but common and uninspiring. However, under special circumstance and extreme pressure, they may become a brilliant and resiliant diamond. It is truly incredible what nature may create.

We are in deliberations with the Historian currently. He is trying to negotiate for Althea's godhood, claiming that he alone can break the cycle of death we're apparently in. I personally do not wish to see him claim this power, but it is no longer my call to make. I say no longer, because his initial proposition involved sacrificing my unborn children for the ritual of transfer, and this I cannot allow to happen. To willingly allow any of those I am sworn to protect to come to harm would be blatant negligence on my part as the Arch Priest of Nulare, and as a father. If there is any lesson to take away from those like Jole, Althea, and Tarrowin, it's that my sole responsibility as a parent is to provide the best possible life for those I bring into this world, and that is a responsibility I take very seriously. Having made my stance very apparent, Mr. H altered the terms to instead sacrifice three of what I can only assume are his apprentices in some capacity. Ideally no one needs to be sacrificed, and we will do what needs to be done to break the cycle, but this is no longer my decision to make. Regardless of what Althea decides, I know she'll do what she thinks is best, and that's enough for me.

What have I meaningfully accomplished recently? Aside from several near death events, I have been little but a extra hand in fights and a leech on our supply of gold. What few recent accomplishments I do have feel entirely eclipsed by much larger screw ups. It may sound like I'm being dramatic, but I have two very tangible examples. The first is our encounter with Morgana; we found her hideout, defeated her guards, freed her prisoners, and confronted her. And yet, despite this accomplishment, there are several larger mistakes I made; I allowed Morgana to get away, I allowed her to bring harm to the woodlands of Southern Finsweye, and I killed myself in the process costing the party more gold. The second example is my accomplishment of fighting my instincts and understanding when to flee. This small bit of proof that I am improving and maturing is still forgotten by the fact I was still nearly killed, captured, and had to be traded for yet more gold and two slaves who are now forced to work in a labor camp because of my mistake. The two girls who've become slaves hurt the most because, in addition to being subjected to something I have too much experience with, it is only because the party was trying to save gold in case I would need to be revived once more. Two girls, formerly slaves of an orc bastard, who I wished to allow some kind of due process to prove their innocence, now returned to a life of servitude because I cannot be trusted enough to not need a scroll of resurrection. I hardly feel capable of tending a flower, and yet I must face one of the strongest everlasts in less than a week's time, then lead a nation and raise two children afterwards. I feel like I should be excited that we are confronting a dragon soon, as large creatures are always so intriguing to me, but I almost feel as though the feeling of happiness is an act of flagrant diminishment of my failures. It's quite pathetic really, I feel as though I've lost all faith in myself and my abilities. Perhaps the prophecy was true. Perhaps all those months ago was my true peak, and all the time that has passed since then has been my fall from grace. Perhaps I will not survive this fight, and I will not lead a nation or raise children. It feels like a very real possibility given the context that my prophecy was described as the height of my accomplishments; surely defeating an eldritch lord, leading a nation, or teaching a new generation would be a more noteworthy accomplishment than anything I've done to date. But if that must be my legacy then so be it, I just hope I am remembered for that accomplishment and not the spiral of failure I find myself in. Perhaps if I die in the coming days, I should not wish to return from the beyond the grave, perhaps it would be best if I stay dead this time. I suppose if I am to die in combat tomorrow, and wish to not return, I should probably write out some notes to everyone so they at least know my feelings towards them.

Usually it feels as though the universe is telling me that it would be better off without me, that my presence would make as much a difference as my absense, and it is only that faint voice in the back of my head encouraging me to keep going. I say "usually", but in truth it has been that way for most of my life. Those who live their entire life in servitude are usually not remembered for their impact, it is up to the individual to find a reason to keep going when all that you are capable of accomplishing on a daily basis is mine salt, eat food, draw in the sand, go to sleep, and repeat. However as of today I think that paradigm has flipped; it feels as though every external force is rooting for and encouraging me. This would be a good thing if not for the voice in my head degrading me and putting me down being loud enough to drown out all the external forces working for me. I want so badly to hear the voices of my friends and family, but attempting to do so is like trying to hear the cries of a rabbit many paces away in the middle of a storm. Anyone reading this may say "then drown out the storm", but that is a difficult feat when the winds from before the storm have guided you for so long. Recently mom said some things to cheer me up, I think she can sense how I feel. I tried my best to listen and understand what she said, but I am afraid her words have simply gone through me. Luckily I do remember her words, I will add them after this excerpt so that I may reread them, as many times as it takes to finally understand the love they are supposed to give. Thalia even visited me as I slept last night. She encouraged me to stand alone if I had to, now that I do not have fate to hold me up. I think she would most understand what I feel right now, after all she was not in a sound state of mind for the time that I knew her. But to persevere through this would mean becoming stronger than her, and I don't know if I have that in me, to be stronger than The Thalia is quite a mountain to climb. I have even had some everlasts in my corner; Nulare gave me a sign in Spyndral, a flower which sprouted through the floorboards of a busy tavern, a flower which I replanted outside in the morning. However, there is still a more compelling reason for my continued fight. A voice so loud that, even though nothing but echoes remain, it is still loud enough to almost break through the fog. That voice is the promises I was told to keep by Hykari. Out of all of those I surround myself with I think she would bear the heaviest burden if I was to give up now. This is a good reason to fight, I think.
I am extremely sorry for leading you down this dark path. I want to read this because if I don't I will forget and I want this to be fully listened to. This is something no person should have to go through, and I would understand if you never forgive me. You are not the weakest link. You are the smartest, wisest, and the second most powerful member of the party, coming in second to an EVERLAST. You are so powerful and quick-thinking that you almost killed me in VR, escaped prison ALIVE more than once, redeemed yourself with Nulare, saved Tarrowin by using yourself as a shield, and delivered an incredible speech that aligned your people. You are known as a warrior, survivor, and friend to many. I am so proud of you for what you have done, and what you will do. You technically are the only "official" family I have. I am always here if you ever need anything, from a sparring dummy, a hug, to a place to vent your frustrations. Thank you for listening and I will give you the space you asked for.

We are currently in Audnir. We have been told that there is an artifact that may offer mom a way out of ascending without reseting time, so we are going to search for it. Currently, we have decided to stay at Dur'Rok's estate for the night, as we have a letter from him to deliver to his son. His son, however, is not home, so we are waiting for him to return. The guards gave me the Gwomfunek welcome, and his "maids" (slaves) are being very secretive about something, so we may end up snooping around before leaving. I also had a long discussion with mom about my fears and concerns. I do think it helped, I'm not used to actually talking about it with anyone, but I think it was a good idea. I also had another good dream; it was about when Hykari and Nulare gave me their votes of confidence, and allowed me to return to the world and continue being a druid. What was strange about the dream, however, was that the other former archpriestess' face was covered in shadow. I wonder what that could mean?

We've made it to the Temple of Time, however not without sidetracking a bit. We had to visit the local college to find Dur'rok's son and deliver the letter, and he put up a bit of a fight once we did find him. However, he also showed us a wonderful library beneath the college full of some of the most ancient texts. I wish we were able to spend more time there, unfortunately we don't have much time left. Currently we are in a room just below surface level. We are trying to figure out how to get through this current room by making some statues move and cross a river of flowing time with a metal boat. One of the statues is of Aika, one is of Dea'Leon, and one is of a small girl I don't recognize. I presume once we get them all across this flowing time we will be able to continue.

I'mm sorry, Glissnor, I'm so sory
I don't know
I don't know what I did wrong
WHAT DID I DO WRONG

I have... so many mixed feelings right now. On one hand, we have defeated Perren and saved at least two of my Dru. Hopefully we can save the final two, but they are currently stuck in time. For this accomplishment I am very grateful, not only that we were able to remove a threat to the nation of Finsweye and I, but also that hopefully all of my Dru will be able to return home alive and well. However, on the other hand, Glissnor is no longer with us. We found an artifact that should not exist. We were able to disable the most impactful effects of the relic, and most of us where content to leave it at that for the time being. Not Glissnor though, in serving his own everlast, he decided the relic should be destroyed. Personally I don't agree that its destruction was necessary, but I respect his commitment to his patron and I understand that, while his views of the world differed from that of my own, he had only the best intentions. There is no better way to emphasize this point than to describe exactly how he went out. As he destroyed the artifact, two bolts shot out of it. They seemed wild, but I cannot say for certain as both of them seemed to arc back towards me. As his final act, he put himself between me and the powerful beams of raw energy, and paid the ultimate price. He was instantly reduced to... something unrecognizable. I know, had he not acted on what I know is his true nature, I would no longer walk the green grass of this world, and this time I would not return. I cannot begin to describe the guilt, the shame, the responsibility I feel for what became of Glissnor. I know that his actions were his own, and nothing I have said or done is directly to blame for the recent tragedy. If you were in my shoes, however, if it was you who stood frozen in place while one of your best friends was able to act and shield you from certain death, giving their own life in the process, then I know you would understand what I am feeling. I can only describe it as guilt... guilt for being the one who survived. Through my own ineptitude I have visited the afterlife numerous times, and each time I have been brought back through divine intervention or pure force of will. But the one time a member of our humble group, and a friend to all gives their life in a purely unselfish and rational manner, only then is there nothing we can do. I wish I could say more to possibly alleviate my own feelings, but as always there is work to be done. I must attend to my Dru, ensure they are well, and do what I can to help bring the remaining Dru back to the present. I must help my friends... my family in any way that I can to ensure the goal that we have been striving towards for the past nearly two years is accomplished. So for now I will push these feelings aside, repress them, in favor of the greater mission, and the well being of the ones depending on me. At least, it will all be over soon, one way or another.

With Perren now dead, a vacancy was created in the Circle of Dru. With this new opening I was recently coronated as the newest member. We did manage to get the remaining two Dru from the space beyond time, thanks to help from Voslarune, so the circle still consists of thirteen members. I do not know what responsibilities will come with this new role, but I hope it means I will get to spend more time with the rest of the Dru so I can learn from and become friends with them. Everything I've learned about being a druid so far has been trial and error (a lot of error) so I bet there's some interesting techniques and strategies I've never considered, or at least they can help me improve my posture, stance, and pronounciations. We have also figured out what to do with "The Girl". For obvious reasons I cannot journal the decision we came to, but we debated for quite a while and figured out the safest possible course of action. I don't think we have much time left; the armies are mobilizing and we are all preparing to march. I have read about wars, they are horrible things. It is very uncommon to go into one and come out the same person, and in my current state I can say with near certainty that I will not be an exception to this rule... I just hope we all come out alive, that's really all I want.

We have made it to Warg's Run and, seeing what has become of this town, I can confidently and sorrowfully say the war has already begun. Though armies may not be marching on Oppaldum yet, violence and wrath have begun to sweep the continent leaving carnage and displaced families in its wake. From what we can gather, hordes of undead have been assaulting the city. Not just any undead, however, these undead are either the bodies of those recently fallen in battles around the continent, or taken from the homes of the cities they ransack. To lose a loved one while defending your town, only to have them come back and attack you as an undead; it is a truly horrid feeling, and not a memory they will soon forget. Millen, the mayor of this town, told us her husband was taken in a recent attack, likely to Urgith. Fortunately that is where we are headed, and so maybe we can give her some happiness back, or at the very least closure.

I am taking a breather while a sizable rust monster devours the goblins' stash of weapons and equipment. Somehow the clanging and slobbering hasn't alerted anyone, perhaps that's a consequence of the goblins here being obnoxiously noisy anyway (it did not take much to hear them coming and sneak past them). Anyway, this oversized bug was a real pain to catch. You would think for its size and general lack of awareness it would be easy to polymorph and catch, but that was evidently not the case. Once it's had its fill of the blade buffet I think we're going to investigate the corpses here, possibly find Millen's husband, kill the leader, then leave. That's the plan anyway, I don't for a minute expect it will go that way. Hopefully I'll only lose a finger or two.

Journaling again as we decide some plans for the next stage in this camp raid. We managed to find Millen's husband and free the rest of the lost souls forced to raise their weapons against their friends and allies, and dispatched of those ultimately responsible. Among the corpses we made a surprising discovery, the (former) king of Opaldym. We questioned him with a spell and learned some surprising things. One interesting point is that there is none, nor has there ever been a portal; all of these creatures have simply been summoned from Hillost. There is a lot to unpack with that either to the scale or history of this operation, as the amount of summons needed to become as much of a threat as they are is incomprehensible. We also learned about some of the strongest allies of Dea'Leon; among them Y'hodren, the eldritch of murder at rank 59 (as of when the book we found was published), Munthyste, the eldritch of greed at rank 58, Scalia, the god of balance at rank 37, and most concerningly Dounix, the eldritch of intoxication at rank 9, with whom I am unfortunately pretty acquainted. We have quite the war ahead of us, in how many of our past lives did we win even that; in how many of my past lives was I ready for this fight, in how many of my past lives did I even survive until this point? All I can say right now is that in none of my past lives did I have a happy ending, in none was I able to live out the future I often fantasize about. In none did I live up to expectations, and accomplish all of my goals, because if I did, I would be there, and not here. At least in this life I do not know the ending of the story quite yet. Lady luck hasn't been that nice to me in life, hopefully this time around she'll give me this one in a gadgillion jackpot.

The march has begun. The armies of Illenwrath, Finsweye, Spyndral, and Audnir are now as one and approaching the goal we have been chasing for two years now. We have officially dealt with the feral goblins, the unsavory among the humans in Audnir, the dragon Dea'Leon formally called his, and hopefully the dwarves of Vyrstok. The most powerful among the everlasts have congregated, Ultimatum has been activated, and The Girl is safe. Dusk is approaching, and I believe this will be our last campfire, our last rest together before our worlds are forever changed. I have a theory. Allegedly we have done this dance countless times in the past, and yet I remember none of them, not even the faintest of a recollection. In this timeline, in this moment, I am conscious and aware. I posit that this version of me is not just another iteration, that this clarity and currentness of mind is proof that we will succeed.